<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>your love is my turning page by loverjae</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478757">your love is my turning page</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverjae/pseuds/loverjae'>loverjae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Terminal Illnesses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:02:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverjae/pseuds/loverjae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This was their own happiness. Small, but it was enough for them. Taiga couldn’t wish for anything more than nights like these with Hokuto. If he was allowed to be selfish, then he would wish to live forever with Hokuto by his side, spending the rest of their eternity together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your love is my turning page</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! here's a song to play during a later part! you'll know when c:</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Cry85KUzzU</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hokuto huffed as he sat on his bed, arms crossed as he stared out of the window. The weather was good today, sunny and warm. Usually, he’d jump at the chance to practice outside during the cold days bridging winter and spring, but he was stuck inside his hospital room. He looked at his leg, wrapped in a cast and propped by something hanging from the ceiling. He had misstepped during training, and the fall was bad enough to keep him off the court for a few months and in a ward for two weeks. He had to admit, getting a free pass to skip classes for a while seemed like an opportunity he couldn’t pass up, but spending a week alone in the room was stretching his patience. He wanted to do something, anything, but he still had a week left in the place. His friends were too busy with tests to come visit, so he spent his days reading, but even that was getting tiring. As he fiddled with the hem of his shirt, the nurse tending to his cast spoke up. “If you’re bored, you can always walk around,” she suggested. Hokuto thought about it for a moment. What was there to see in this damned place anyways? But he had few options left before he truly thought he was going to lose his mind, so after he got his cast cleaned, he propped himself up with the crutches by his bedside, and began his exploration of the hallways.</p><p> </p><p>The walls had images of princesses and animals painted on them. He was still seventeen, hence landing him in the paediatric ward. A pair of young boys rushed past him in the tight space, almost making him lose his balance. He clicked his tongue in annoyance, already starting to regret his decision to get out of bed. In fact, he hadn’t walked that far and he contemplated turning back, but he heard a sound coming from down the hall. The sound was thin, the clean steel strings of an acoustic guitar being played unplugged. It sounded nice, for a lack of words. Hokuto wasn’t one to play instruments himself, but he liked listening to music. And he liked the song ringing through the hallways. Curious, he followed it down the hallways, passing by doors and doors until arriving at one that was left slightly ajar. He peered into the room, trying to catch a glimpse of whoever was responsible for the pleasant music he was hearing. All he saw was tufts of blond hair and a skinny frame, the boy’s back facing the doorway. And then Hokuto heard. A soft voice sounding out the words, wrapped in a sweet melody. The song was in English, he didn’t understand what it meant exactly, but he didn’t need to understand it to know that the person seated in that room was talented, voice raw but sweet, untamed but careful. </p><p> </p><p>Hokuto hadn’t even realised that he had been staring until he had been caught by the person he was watching. “Do I know you?” the boy asked, having stopped his strumming. Hokuto snapped out of his trance. He felt heat flushing his cheeks, before he brought his hand up to his face in an attempt to cover it naturally. He had to say something now, or else he’d seem like a weirdo. </p><p> </p><p>“I heard you playing so I came to listen.” Hokuto shrugged, trying to play it cool. As he waited for a response from the boy around his age, who still wasn’t quite facing him all the way, he saw the tape across his arm, securing a tube in place. His eyes followed the tubes to something hanging from a stand by the side of the bed. An IV drip. Next to it was a screen showing his vitals, heart rate. Whatever the boy had, it was probably serious. He found himself wanting to know more about him, but no response came, so Hokuto spoke again. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m Matsumura Hokuto. What’s your name?” That was a good place to start. He still couldn’t place a name to the voice he heard. But the boy still didn’t answer, he just stared at him over his shoulder. Hokuto was starting to get annoyed, because ignoring someone who’s trying to talk to you was just rude.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I don’t know you but going by the looks of it, you’re not one refuse company now, are you?” The room was empty save for the two of them. No flowers or candies signalling that someone had come to visit recently. Hokuto had to admit, he was kind of projecting his loneliness onto the boy, but at this point he just needed to talk to someone else other than his mom. Slowly, the brunette made his way over to a couch by the side of bed. He dropped himself onto it rather ungracefully before propping his crutches up the arms of the couch. He took the silence as consent; if the boy didn’t want him around then he would’ve protested, so this was fine, Hokuto thought. The blond shrugged before turning around, back still facing Hokuto as he continued the song he started earlier on. </p><p> </p><p><em> No shyness. He must be pretty confident in himself. </em>Hokuto wouldn’t blame him. If he could sing like that, he wouldn’t shut up either. He went through song after song, while Hokuto just sat in silence, the sound of melody feeling sweet on his ears. A few strums into the fourth song or so, a nurse came into the room, pushing a cart filled with medical tools and instruments. </p><p> </p><p>“Kyomoto-san. It’s time for your check up,” she said as she parked the cart by the other side of the bed, taking down notes on her clipboard as she studied the machines linked to the boy. He rested the guitar on the nightstand next to him before properly getting onto the bed, leaning back fully on the inclined back of it. Hokuto got up to leave, realising that he was probably intruding in something that could be considered private. As he hobbled with his crutches out the door, he heard a voice from behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“Kyomoto Taiga.” </p><p> </p><p>The brunette paused before looking back, but the other boy already seemed busy with the needles on his arm getting removed, while new ones were shoved in to replace them. A fleeting smile turned up the corners of his lips, as he made his way back to his own room.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>With Hokuto leaving his room more often, they ran into each other more than he expected to. Being the only two teenagers in the building, the nurses always suggested they have lunch together, or to go take a breather in the garden. Hokuto liked the company, and he enjoyed the remainder of his days in the hospital talking to Taiga. Or at least, he talked. Taiga mostly listened, nodding but also spacing out sometimes. The only time Taiga would freely ramble was when the topic shifted to music. God, he could go on for hours just talking about the albums he liked, the concerts he’s been to or the guitars he had back home, but Hokuto didn’t mind it one bit. When Taiga spoke of music he saw constellations and endless nebulas in his eyes. Pretty, was the word that Hokuto could best think of to describe it. It was weird at first, calling another boy pretty, but no other word could express exactly what he saw better. </p><p> </p><p>The two of them sat on the bench right beneath a huge gingko tree, the shaded area their favourite spot to just sit and talk about anything. Today, Hokuto felt like just admiring the older boy, so he asked about some of Taiga’s favourite bands and sat back as the blond began a lengthy rant on the bands he liked and those he hated. At first, the scenery seemed perfect. Hokuto smiled as the rays from the early morning sun shone on them through the leaves, Taiga’s long lashes casting a shadow on his cheekbones. He could count the faint freckles on his pale cheeks, looking like stardust thrown on a black galaxy. But he felt his eyes wander to the older boy’s arm. The sleeve had ridden up, exposing the needle held in place with tape, as the tube linked to an IV drip on wheels. </p><p> </p><p>They’d been talking for a week or so, since Hokuto’s stay had been extended by another five days, but they never talked about <em> it </em>. The younger boy didn’t know if it was a touchy subject, but it wasn’t like he could ask about it out of the blue. He wondered if it was serious, terminal, even. He also wondered why his heart clenched and ached when he thought of that possibility.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re wondering what I have, huh.”</p><p> </p><p>The statement was blunt and caught Hokuto by surprise. He hadn’t realised that he had been staring, and now he was worried that Taiga would hate him. He couldn’t have Taiga hate him. He started to sputter out a quick excuse before the older boy interjected. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, I don’t mind telling you. It’s my heart. Chronic, I’ve had it since forever.” Hokuto fell silent after hearing Taiga speak. That would explain the drip, and how Taiga seemed to have spent years in this place. The younger boy just nodded and tried to take it in, but take <em> what </em> in, exactly? Was he being dramatic? Why did the news feel like a blow to his face, like a ten tonne weight dropped in his stomach? They’ve barely known each other for two weeks. He didn’t even know if Taiga considered him a friend but he felt like his world just became a bit darker.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no cure, apparently. That’s why I’m basically stuck here forever. No school for me, at least,” Taiga chuckled as he tried to lighten the mood, but Hokuto remained still, staring at his fists that were clenched on his lap. It was too much for him to handle and he felt his breathing quicken. <em> Why? Why was he so panicked?  </em></p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey. Relax. It’s not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon,” the older boy softly murmured while rubbing the small of Hokuto’s back. The attempt at comforting him didn’t work because of the sheer fact that it could happen. Taiga could disappear at any time and leave him. Hokuto wasn’t very knowledgeable about illnesses or anything, he didn’t know how serious Taiga’s was, but he was afraid of the uncertainty of it all. That one day the very smile he had become so attached to could vanish and he wouldn’t have a say in it at all. He felt so vulnerable and so minuscule in the larger scheme of things that it frustrated him. That he couldn’t do anything for the boy he had come to admire. He saw his teardrops fall onto his fists, and he realised why he was so sad - because he wanted nothing more than to stay with Taiga for longer. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Even after Hokuto was discharged, he came almost every day to see Taiga. His parents weren’t very happy about it at first, but eventually they let him be after seeing how genuine he seemed to be. Despite being together for hours at a time, they never really ran out of things to say. Hokuto would tell Taiga about every single thing that happened to him at school, or at basketball practice. Taiga found it cute, almost like how a toddler would tell his mom about his day at kindergarten. </p><p> </p><p>When summer rolled around and the weather became too hot for their conversations in the garden, the both of them piled on top of Taiga’s bed, squeezing together as they relished in the cool respite the air conditioning brought them. They would talk and nap, sometimes Taiga would sing for Hokuto. Hokuto couldn’t explain what he was feeling, but it felt like his days couldn’t get better than this. Every day he thanked god for letting him meet the blond, and Taiga felt the same way too. After years of being alone in the hospital, he was initially put off by the way the younger constantly bugged him like some kind of puppy, but he had grown to like it. He couldn’t remember how he used to spend his days without Hokuto by his side.</p><p> </p><p>One day as they were lying together, talking over some movie they had playing on the TV, Hokuto felt a small weight on top of his left shoulder. He looked down only to have blond strands tickle his nose, before he realised what had happened. They were always together, but that was the first time Taiga was so close to him; the first time they touched each other, more than slight brushes of their arms or shoulders. Hokuto felt the blush creep on his cheeks, but Taiga kept on talking like nothing was wrong, laughing at how bad the acting was or something like that. How was he not feeling anything? Hokuto couldn’t place a name on what he was feeling, but his heart was racing so quickly he was afraid that Taiga would hear it beat through his chest. No one made him feel this way before, so he wondered why Taiga didn’t feel the same; why he was so casual about it. </p><p> </p><p>But the truth was, Taiga was nervous too. He had thought about doing it for days now, but he was afraid, after all. What if Hokuto pulled away, or called him disgusting? Taiga never had a girlfriend, but he was sure this was something couples did. So when he was weighing his options, the realisation dawned on him. Did he want Hokuto to be his boyfriend? He didn’t know what it meant, to be in love with someone, but whenever he looked at Hokuto he felt an urge to pull him close and never let go. Was that love? Or was that just friendship? Or even worse, him projecting his years of loneliness on the very first friend he made. He worried that he would lose Hokuto if he did it, but he also thought of what they could be if he just made the first move. So subtly, he rested his head on Hokuto's sharp shoulder, and prayed that he wouldn’t get called out in the act. </p><p> </p><p>After a while, the two fell silent, eyes trained on the screen in front of them. But neither of them moved, each holding his breath as they worried that any movement would cause the other to pull away. They remained still, eyes getting heavier until Taiga fell limply against Hokuto’s side, while the younger boy rested his head on Taiga’s.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When Hokuto walked into Taiga’s room, he immediately kicked off his shoes before sliding into the small space that Taiga had made for him by his side. They’d lace their fingers together, and Taiga would press his face into Hokuto’s chest, breathing in the clean scent of soap and slightly musky cologne. “Good morning,” Hokuto would mumble as he buried his face in the blond mess. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long for them to finally start dating. It was Hokuto who had confessed first. Flustered, he tried to explain how he felt whenever Taiga was close to him, how his head got all dizzy and how his heart began to beat so much faster. It was a jumble of hyper words, and Taiga had eventually shut him up by pulling his face in for a kiss. Chaste, as they barely brushed the other’s, but sweet. He wasn’t sure if they did it right, but when he did it, it felt like every star aligned for them. That it was meant to be. </p><p> </p><p>Taiga’s parents loved Hokuto, mostly because they could see how much happier Taiga had become after meeting him. Before that, Taiga never really smiled, and he refused to talk to them much about anything. But with Hokuto around, Taiga laughed so freely, they were just so glad to see the life come back to their son. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, my school’s having a prom soon…” Hokuto drifted off as soon as he started. He heard a hum of acknowledgement come from the older boy, but nothing else after. The both of them knew what he was hinting at. Hokuto wanted to go with Taiga, but the entire process would just be difficult. They’d have to bring the drip, maybe even a nurse just in case. Nonetheless, it was supposed to be a special event; one that Hokuto wanted to experience with Taiga. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve always wanted to go to one,” Taiga mumbled against the younger boy’s shirt. He wanted to live a normal life, go to a normal school and do things every other teenager did, but his condition never allowed for it. Hokuto felt the longing in those words, and how much the older actually wanted to go. Hokuto ended up feeling bad for bringing it up. He didn’t want the older boy to feel pressured into doing anything, so he changed the topic to something else in hopes that the mood would lift. </p><p> </p><p>“Take me to one someday,” Taiga quickly interjects before Hokuto could finish his sentence. He was taken aback at first, but Hokuto smiled before lacing his fingers with Taiga’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Definitely.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Hokuto jogged excitedly down the corridor. The donut store by the station was having a promotion, so he’d bought a pack of 12 for the two of them to enjoy together. To be honest, he didn’t know what Taiga liked other than tomatoes, so he got a good mix of everything. The brunette pushed the sliding door open, grinning widely as he called out for the older boy.</p><p> </p><p>“Taiga! I got us something!” Hokuto smiled gleefully. He saw the older boy’s face turn from shocked at his loud entrance, to a soft smile as he realised that it was just him. The brunette set down his backpack on the couch before climbing up on the bed, placing the box on the overbed table. He opened it and explained each flavour to the older boy, before waiting expectantly for him to pick one. Taiga picked strawberry icing with whipped cream filling, while Hokuto decided on rocky road. The younger boy couldn’t help but notice how the blond just held it without taking a bite.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not hungry?” he asked, worried about Taiga’s mood. He noticed how Taiga had been silent since he came in, as well as the dark rings around his eyes. “I’m fine-” Taiga started, but halfway through his words he had clenched his left pit, bending over in what seemed like unbearable pain. Hokuto heard how shallow his breathing was, like he was struggling to even inhale enough. The blond began groaning from the pain, and that was when Hokuto finally unfroze from his state of shock.</p><p> </p><p>Hokuto called out the older’s name, panicking at the scene unravelling in front of him. When it showed no sign of stopping, he rushed to press the emergency call button on the console above Taiga’s bed. He rubbed the older boy’s back in an attempt to soothe him, but it didn’t do anything for him. He was still there, suffering as he writhed and convulsed in the bed.</p><p> </p><p>In a matter of minutes, the nurses rushed in and Hokuto jumped off the bed. He watched as they checked his vitals, before pulling a mask over Taiga’s mouth, the gas helping him to regain his breathing. He felt a nurse gently ushering him out of the room, but he couldn’t hear anything she was saying. He couldn’t hear anything except for ringing, as he watched everything happen in slow motion. Eventually, he realised that he was out of the room, the nurse shutting the door in his face. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t do anything for Taiga. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When Hokuto went to register at the visitor counter the next day, he wasn’t allowed in. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. That patient has requested not to have visitors in other than family,” the nurse said apologetically. Hokuto was confused. Taiga wouldn’t do something like that, would he? He bombarded the young nurse with question after question. <em> “Is he okay?” “There was an emergency yesterday, is he stable now?” “When can I visit?” </em> but she refused to answer any of them. Dejectedly, he walked out of the building, deciding that he would try again tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>And he did. Every day, Hokuto would come by during visiting hours, only to hear the nurses tell him the same thing over and over again. “<em> He has requested not to have visitors.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Hokuto tried calling and texting, but it seemed like his number was blocked. Four months passed in what felt like seconds, but he never gave up. He would come again every day because it was Taiga, Taiga whom he had realised that he had truly fallen in love with. </p><p> </p><p>It’s true what they say, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Each day he missed Taiga’s voice, craved his warmth so much more. He found himself watching random videos he had recorded on his phones. Of them talking, of Taiga singing. Anything that would allow him to see the boy in some form.</p><p> </p><p>The days that passed without the older boy by his side, he wondered how he had lived for so long without him. As the seasons changed and the weather became colder, he dreamt of holding Taiga within his arms, sharing their warmth as they watched the snow fall outside the window. The blond would be lying on top of him, head on his chest and arms wrapped around his waist. He would fall asleep to the slight rise and fall of Hokuto’s chest, and Hokuto would watch in serenity as Taiga’s eyes would lull, taken over by sleep. Then, only he too would dose off as well. </p><p> </p><p>But it was nothing but a fever dream. Hokuto would wake up, startled and alone in his own bed. He would reach out to his side, trying to find Taiga’s hand to grip it, but the space was empty. Not just the bed, but the space that Taiga had held in his heart, it felt hollow and aching. Hokuto wanted to make it go away.</p><p> </p><p>Tugging on a sweater and a fleece jacket, he made his way to the hospital again. The December air was starting to get worse, the cold biting at the skin on his face. He pulled his hoodie up and tried to walk faster to escape the harsh wind blowing at him. When he walked up to the registration counter, they just looked at him in pity. He waited for the words he already knew by heart before making his way back to the entrance. As he was on his way out, he noticed a familiar face walking down one of the corridors.</p><p> </p><p>“Okaa-san!” Hokuto called out. That was what she had requested him to call her many months back. He saw the woman visibly freeze, but he jogged towards her anyways, not going to let the opportunity go to waste. It looked like she already knew what he was going to ask, the uncomfortable look written on her face, but Hokuto had to at least <em> try </em>. “How is Taiga doing?” he started.</p><p> </p><p>The slender woman shuddered out a breath, thinking of a reply. “Not very good, Hokuto,” she said frankly. Hokuto felt his heart drop. He listened as she explained Taiga’s deteriorating condition, how he was getting weaker every day. Hokuto let the words hit him like bricks, each of them causing a sharp pain to shoot to his heart. Taiga…when was the last time he had smiled? Hokuto couldn’t help but wonder. </p><p> </p><p>“Please let me see him!” Hokuto cried out, bowing as low as he could. He didn’t care if he was being troublesome, rude or selfish. He needed to see how Taiga was doing. If he was being honest, he didn’t know what he would do or say once he saw the older boy, but he needed to make sure that he was still alive. He felt Taiga’s mom place her hands gently on his shoulders, asking for him to raise his head. Looking up, he saw the tears sliding down her complexion, as she nodded and pursed her lips into a thin smile. </p><p> </p><p>When Hokuto was right outside of Taiga’s door, he hesitated in sliding the door open. The everyday routine he was so used to suddenly felt so foreign. His fingertips turned white from gripping the handle too tightly. To be honest, he was afraid. Afraid of what he would see when he opened that door, but turning back now would be useless. Gently, he slid it open and stepped inside, the smell of cleaning alcohol filling his nostrils. He looked towards the bed to find Taiga staring right at him.</p><p> </p><p>The Taiga he was looking at right now looked like a completely different person from the one he knew months ago. Despite already being naturally skinny, he had lost even more weight, his collarbone peeking from the collar of the hospital gown looking frighteningly pronounced. His wrists and forearms looked like pure skin on bone, the contour of each joint visible. The soft cheeks he used to have were now hollow and the skin dark underneath his eyes sagged. A ghost of the person he used to be. </p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you let me see you?” Hokuto whispered. He watched as the older boy’s face turned from apathetic to miserable. The tears welling in his eyes and the shaking in his voice was unmistakable. </p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t it obvious? I don’t want you to see me like <em> this </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Hokuto felt the breath hitch in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, but he couldn’t stop the feeling from rising in his chest, the wetness pooling in his eyes. All this while, Taiga had been suffering alone. He would do anything for him, make a deal with every devil if it meant that Taiga could get better, but the pure sorrow in the older boy’s eyes meant only one thing. He didn’t have much time left. The younger boy walked to the side of the bed, and pulled Taiga in close to him. He felt every heartstring being tugged viciously at as he felt how desperately Taiga held him back, the tight clench of Taiga’s fists as he pulled at Hokuto’s back. “I’m scared, Hokuto,” the boy whimpered.</p><p> </p><p>Hokuto wanted to curse every god and angel in the sky. Why did it have to be Taiga? Of all people in this world, why make him suffer this bad? It was unfair. To Taiga, to the both of them. The two stayed like that, sobbing into each other’s shoulders until they couldn’t cry anymore tears. </p><p> </p><p>Their days together were limited. Both of them knew this. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Taiga let Hokuto visit again. They spent every waking hour together, and when they weren’t, they were thinking of when they could see each other again. They talked for hours again, having a lot to tell each other in the months they had been apart. Even though Taiga looked sickly, seeing him smile was enough to make Hokuto forget for a moment about everything going on. Because when Taiga smiled, all the world disappeared and Hokuto could only think about how much he loved the boy. </p><p> </p><p>Taiga couldn’t leave bed much anymore, couldn’t sit with Hokuto at the bench beneath the gingko tree. He’d stare longingly at the spot through the window. One night, Hokuto caught him as he zoned out. The younger boy wrapped an arm around Taiga as he sat down next to him on the bed. “It’s cold anyways,” he said, trying to get his mind off it. But Taiga couldn’t stop thinking about it. When he looked at the spot he was reminded of how much better things were back then. He saw fragments of their past selves, smiling almost as brightly as the sun that warmed the cold spring air around them. He thought about all the things he took for granted. Going outside, walking around. Time, mostly. The him back then didn’t have to worry about not waking up one day - not being able to see Hokuto. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on. I have a surprise for you,” the younger boy couldn’t hide the excitement on his own face as he tried to divert Taiga’s attention away from the window. He grinned as he helped Taiga up to his feet. Hokuto bent down slightly so that the blond could wrap his arm around his neck, taking most of the weight off his own legs. Slowly, the two made their way down a corridor to an unoccupied room at the end of the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“Hokuto, there’s no one in this room,” Taiga said as he pointed at the empty nameplate on the door. The younger boy just shushed him as he opened the door to reveal the decorated room. The walls were lined with silver streamers, while pink and black balloons covered most of the floor, some of them taped to the ceiling corners as well. The lights were off, but the fairy lights coated the room in a dim, yellow glow. </p><p> </p><p>“You wanted me to take you to prom, so here we are.” the younger boy laughed giddily. Taiga felt his heart melt. The request he made on that spring day, Hokuto had remembered it till now. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you do all of this?” Taiga asked, mouth agape in awe as he took in his surroundings, tracing his fingers on one of the streamers by the wall. “Magic. Oh, and the nurses too.” he added, which was followed by a light punch on his shoulder from the older boy.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy pulled him into the room, reaching his free hand out to switch on the CD player by the table, the bed already retracted into the wall. Making a show of it, Hokuto bowed while extending his hand, asking Taiga for his. “You’re joking, right?” Taiga outwardly groaned at the cheesy act, but on the inside his heart was going to burst from how happy he was. </p><p> </p><p>Gently, Hokuto pulled Taiga in by the waist, tightening his hold on him and securing him in place. Taiga wrapped his arms around Hokuto’s neck, leaning most of his weight on the younger boy. The two of them leaned in, foreheads touching as they began swaying to the song filling the small room. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ve waited a hundred years, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but I’d wait a million more for you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>This was their own happiness. Small, but it was enough for them. Taiga couldn’t wish for anything more than nights like these with Hokuto. If he was allowed to be selfish, then he would wish to live forever with Hokuto by his side, spending the rest of their eternity together. But tonight, there was a newfound maturity in himself. As he stayed within Hokuto’s embrace, he realised that he was satisfied, that Hokuto had given him more than he could ever ask for. If he died tomorrow, he wouldn’t have any regrets.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> If I had only felt the warmth within your touch. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If I had only seen how you smile when you blush. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hokuto softly sang the lines. Lifting a hand to cradle the older boy’s face, Taiga giggled when he brushed his thumb softly over his pink-stained cheeks, tracing down to graze his bottom lip.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I would have known what I was living for all long. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Pressing their lips together firmly, their unsaid words spoken.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The sound of Hokuto’s ringtone startled him awake, the supposedly calming wind-chime noise feeling like a nuisance. When he picked up his phone, his blinked his dry eyes furiously to get them to focus. The small numbers by the top read 2.49am, an ungodly hour, but then he read the name that flashed across the screen. </p><p> </p><p><em> Okaa-san (Taiga’s Mom) </em> </p><p> </p><p>Jolting upright, he swiped the screen to pick up the call.</p><p> </p><p>“Hokuto, come now. Taiga…he’s…” a shaky voice sounded from the speakers. </p><p> </p><p>The sound of heart pumping blood rushed to his head. He didn’t even remember responding, just picking up his wallet from his bedside table and shrugging on a random coat before dashing outside. The last bus was long gone, but he couldn’t care less. He just kept running towards the hospital, uttering prayers under his panting breath. <em> Please. Let him be okay. </em>He ran every red light, praying the streets remained empty. </p><p> </p><p>It was so quiet. He needed something to distract his racing thoughts because at this point, his mind was thinking of every horrid scenario that could happen. They clouded not only his head but his vision as well, making him feel like he was never going to reach Taiga.</p><p> </p><p>When he entered the building, he ran past the empty counters and got into the elevator. Jamming the close button, every second in there felt like lightyears. The doors eventually opened and he looked down the hallway. It was dim except for one open door, the light leaking through. He heard the voices of doctors and nurses as they barked order after order. Taking in a deep breath, he ran to the door and pushed his way inside past the nurses guarding the door.</p><p> </p><p>He saw Taiga with his eyes closed, lying limply on the bed as the doctors and his parents stood by the other side. He held his breath, waiting for some kind of confirmation, and only released it when he saw Taiga’s chest rise and fall slightly. Stepping closer, he cupped Taiga’s face softly. The older boy’s eyes looked unfocused, like he was in a completely different universe, but he seemed to register his surroundings. “Hokuto?” the faint voice was almost inaudible, blocked by the oxygen mask. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m here, Taiga,” he smiled, the tears already streaming down his cheeks. Softly, he tucked the stray strands of hair behind the older boy’s ear. Even then, he was so beautiful. When he leaned down to press a kiss on the blond’s forehead, he saw a shadow of a smile through the mask. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, do you remember when we used to sit by that tree in the garden? It was really pretty in the spring, huh?” Hokuto saw him nod, the movement so slight Hokuto would have missed it had he blinked. He kept talking to fill in the silence, talking about Taiga’s bands and basketball, about their first kiss and the time they danced together at prom. The room was silent save for Hokuto’s rambling, everyone else in the room watching the two lovers with pity.</p><p> </p><p> Taiga didn’t speak, but he listened to everything Hokuto said. His expression was dazed, but relaxed, almost like he was drifting off to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>Hokuto felt Taiga’s cold hand reach for his, and he collapsed on his knees. He held the hand in both his palms, bringing it to his lips before pressing it against them. Beside them, he heard the sound of the heart rate machine, the intervals between each tone getting longer. </p><p> </p><p>“…love you… Hokuto.” </p><p> </p><p>Hokuto couldn’t stop the loud sob from escaping his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, Taiga.” </p><p> </p><p>The sound of the last tone filled the room. Taiga was gone. Hokuto felt his world go black as he wailed, the pain in his chest unbearable as it tore at his heart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Though we’re tethered to the story we must tell, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When I saw you, well I knew we’d tell it well.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There was no running away from it. Their time had come, Hokuto knew it ever since the day he had fallen in love with him. But despite the inevitable that had fallen upon them, the days they had together were his most precious possessions, and he will hold them close within his heart as he continues to walk his path alone, continuing a different story. Taiga’s love was his turning page, not his ending. For he will wait eons until they reunite, and become one again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> With a whisper we will tame the vicious seas, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello everyone! not sure if anyone actively looks out for my posts but I'm sorry for the lack of updates :-( it's finals season and I'm really struggling with almost every subject ;-; so this is a product of my procrastination and refusal to do math! anyways I loved writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it too! but last update before I disappear again until mid-october ish so here's a longer one for you guys to read</p><p>btw this was not proof read at all so sorry for the language/grammar mistakes😥</p><p>would love to hear from you guys if you have any thoughts! do leave a comment if you wanna talk ❤️</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>